sliding gently off the high horse

Pride arrogance, not needing any help...when does this get in the way of our growth?  All the time, I find shame hidden in the folds of bad cholesterol, bad boundaries, bad credit, oh you are a bad girl, shame on you.   Dirty,,,bad words hide deeper pain and resistance.  I'd like to be able to get there on my own, alone, so I can keep it secret, but I also keep it in the dark then too secret, festering, mold and mushrooms love the dark. 
We had a mushroom room in our basement.  That was it's name, from a previous owner, how ever I never saw any mushrooms, and was not sure which room it was.  Was it the back room behind the laundry room or the back room behind the furnace room, where the playboy magazines were stacked.  Now that was an exciting place to hide with girl friends.  Eat candy and look at magazines with huge breasted women stretched out in poses, a story about a young boy learning to be sexually aroused by an older woman.  These were Daddy's magazines, way back in the mushroom room, maybe.